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When Your Values Are Violated This Should Be Your First Response. Clarity #16

Alan Andersen

We all possess a personal set of core values that drives our lives. It is what some call their North Star or Internal Compass. The way successful people navigate effectively and efficiently through life is by orienting their life around their values. They do not compromise them, they know them by heart, and make every decision with their top 5 values in mind.

Tips To Honor Your Values

When a value is violated there is a prick to your conscience and you know instantly there is something wrong.  At this precise moment you must HONOR that value. How? STOP everything until you know what went wrong.

Stand up for what matters most

You honor your values when you stand up for what you believe is right and do not go along with something that runs against your core values.  Now I am not saying you make everyone else agree with you nor do you have to go into a verbal battle with every person who has a differing opinion. You simply don't back down and, when pressed, you humbly state your position without shame or compromise.

For example, if everyone is talking about wanting to cheat on their spouse and they say to you, “Come on Joe, you know you want to,” you can either honor your value and respond, “Actually I do not want to, my family is the most important thing to me on this Earth.” or you can compromise it by going along with the jokes and agreeing with your laughter even if you tell yourself,  ”I would never do that.” 

Know the Hierarchy

You honor your core values by knowing the top 5 in order of importance by heart. So key is this point, that I run every client, be it professional, corporate team, or personal, through two assessments. The most telling of the two is called the PIAV (Motivators).  It clearly serves as a tool to help demonstrate the power of the hierarchy.  I use it in every conflict resolution.

Here's a quick example: if you and I share in common our top 5 values of Collaboration, Efficiency, Results, Love, Adventure, then in theory we should be on the same page at all times. However, If my #1 is Collaboraion and #5 is Efficiency and yours are flipped with Collaboration being #5 and Efficiency being #1, we will have conflict. Imagine leaving a meeting where everyone was heard and valued but we ran 2 hours overtime and did not finish the agenda items. I am going to feel great leaving that meeting because my #1 value was met and so I am confident we can now function efficiently. You will leave very disappointed and probably upset because your #1 was totally dishonored.  You believe that when things run efficiently then everyone will collaborate more willingly to get things done. 

Make Solid Decisions

You honor your values when you make decisions that are in line with your core values. The most indecisive people I know are actually not aware that they have too many things they desire and have not yet defined what is most important. They just flip flop and are wishy washy driving themselves and others crazy.

This example may help. When helping the Life 301 students define their values I ask them to pick one value, either taste or health before going into Qdoba or some other Burrito Bar and see how easy it is to sail through the line. Now try to have both of those as #1 and there you have the person that everyone is staring at! Don't be that guy – know your values.

Start Today

The next time you have the sense that something is not quite right, stop and see if one of your values are being violated and then instantly get back to the core 5. If you do not have your values defined you've come to the right place. You can have your team or family go through a workshop or get 1:1 Coaching.

As you journey through Clarity: Focusing on What Matters you will find many tips and helpful ways to live by your values. We are on week #16 and so join in today - your life is waiting.

I would love hear below your views on values.

Your Coach For Clarity,

This article originally appeared at True Life Coaching


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