Me. Mine. My two-year old niece has only a few precious words in her vocabulary. Two of them are loud and well pronounced….ME and MINE. Yep, those darling little ones pretty much mirror the trouble with the world – we are all selfish and self-absorbed. What about me? Where is mine? (Luckily, she also says AUNTIE.)
Unfortunately, this morphs into our sense of self being oriented around what other people think about us and the need for approval and affirmation takes over. As most of us can attest to, when we don’t get it we experience rejection which is played out through a myriad of ways depending on how you are wired.
For high driving leaders, I often see it played out through a lack of self acceptance that nothing is ever good enough. Now, I am all for constant improvement, creating new things, and questioning the status quo and in fact encourage it! However, when the driving of your people is based out of fear and that you must achieve power and influence because of your lack of self-worth it goes sideways fast.
Silence The Inner Critic
What I find behind this behavior is the inner critic screaming forth old worn out belief systems and we believe them as truth. To be honest, as I look around emotional rejection is at the root of nearly every issue people face in life.
In week #9 of Clarity, we address the need to seek truth in all things so we find our true self without the lying critic pointing out all the things we are doing wrong. Rejection comes first from the way we reject ourselves and our true self.
Here are some thoughts to challenge you:
- Don’t buckle to the unconscious need to prove something to someone. The only person you need to “prove” something to is yourself.
- Every person longs to be accepted just as they are, without fear of losing love because they are not good enough.
- Accept and appreciate your true self.
- Being accepting of your own unique strengths and limits allows you to accept others.
- In celebrating the uniqueness of others, you are also celebrating your own.
- Remove your mask and remove your fear. Show others your true self.
- Be honest with yourself, your boss and your employees. If those around you are setting unrealistic goals and deadlines, speak up and say so.
- Build self-acceptance by writing down 10 positive affirmations about yourself today.
- Build self-confidence by looking at yourself in the mirror and repeating your 10 positive affirmations.
So what do you think? Let me know what truth will replace that inner critic?
Your Coach for Clarity,